| — This is a transcribed copy of An Elk for Heffer. —
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Heffer Wolfe: [sees Elkie and falls in love]
Heffer's Heart: Look stupid [pulls down a lever] Stumble over [pulls down another lever] . [Heffer tries to walk over to Elkie and falls]
Heffer Wolfe: [gets back up] Hi.
Elkie: Hi. My name is Elkie. What's yours?
Heffer's Heart: [pulls down a lever] Forget name.
Heffer Wolfe: My name is Tom. NO, wait, that's not right. [tries to remember his name] Jeff. Dan. Joe. Bartholomew.
Heffer's Heart: [pulls down a lever] Try to impress her.
Heffer Wolfe: [starts to juggle anvils]
Elkie: You're cute.
Heffer Wolfe: [gasps] Really?
Heffer's Heart: [pulls down a lever that reads "Musical Fantasy"]
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I forgot, Cindy took the vow of silence.
Elkie: [whispers to Heffer] Your family are wolves?
Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I was adopted.
Elkie: [whispering] I didn't realize.
Heffer Wolfe: So, would you like to see some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?
Elkie: Sure. [they leave the room]
George Wolfe: [whispering] VIRGINIA, SHE'S STILL ALIVE.
Virginia Wolfe: [whispering] Now, dear. Just be glad he got her here at all.
George Wolfe: Well, I think he's getting a little TOO friendly with the main course.
Virginia Wolfe: Well, Heffer's always been very fond of food.
George Wolfe: Why can't I have any normal offspring!
Elkie: You're not an elk.
Elkie: I'm dating a cow.
Heffer Wolfe: Steer
Elkie: I'm dating a steer.
Elkie: Dinner
Heffer: If you ever want to pursue a relationship with a domesticated farmanimal, I am your guy.
