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This is a transcribed copy of An Elk for Heffer.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Big Answer" Next: "Scrubbin' Down Under"

Heffer Wolfe:
[sees Elkie and falls in love]

Heffer's Heart:
Look stupid [pulls down a lever] Stumble over [pulls down another lever] . [Heffer tries to walk over to Elkie and falls]

Heffer Wolfe:
[gets back up] Hi.

Elkie:
Hi. My name is Elkie. What's yours?

Heffer's Heart:
[pulls down a lever] Forget name.

Heffer Wolfe:
My name is Tom. NO, wait, that's not right. [tries to remember his name] Jeff. Dan. Joe. Bartholomew.

Heffer's Heart:
[pulls down a lever] Try to impress her.

Heffer Wolfe:
[starts to juggle anvils]

Elkie:
You're cute.

Heffer Wolfe:
[gasps] Really?

Heffer's Heart:
[pulls down a lever that reads "Musical Fantasy"]

Elkie: [whispers to Heffer] Your family are wolves?

Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I was adopted.

Elkie: [whispering] I didn't realize.

Heffer Wolfe: So, would you like to see some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?

Elkie:
Sure. [they leave the room]

George Wolfe:
[whispering] VIRGINIA, SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

Virginia Wolfe:
[whispering] Now, dear. Just be glad he got her here at all.

George Wolfe:
Well, I think he's getting a little TOO friendly with the main course.

Virginia Wolfe:
Well, Heffer's always been very fond of food.

George Wolfe:
Why can't I have any normal offspring!

Elkie: I'm dating a cow.
Elkie: I'm dating a steer.
Elkie: Dinner

Heffer: If you ever want to pursue a relationship with a domesticated farmanimal, I am your guy.

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